Where Is My Head?
by Riana Salvatore
Summary: Ashley Davies never thought that she could possibly get anything from going to a hospital but could she find herself, including the love of her life?
1. Chapter 1

I walked through the door. I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. I was here under the orders of my doctor and my mom. I supposed that was what happened when you tried to kill yourself. It may come as odd that a 17-year-old girl would try to kill herself, but the last few days have been the hardest of my life. First my dad told me that he was marrying his girlfriend Jodie who wasn't much older than I was and then the big stuff happened. I was told that I lost my baby and it was likely because I wasn't eating enough. I wanted the baby, but I didn't want to get fat. Then my boyfriend dumped me because we both knew that we were only hanging onto the thread that was our baby. That was when I decided to end it all. I took a knife from the kitchen and stabbed myself with it.

Unfortunately, I missed. I missed any sort of vital area: organs, arteries, and everything else. I was a failure at everything, including suicide. Now I was on the teen floor of a mental institution. I was currently being taken to my room.

"Ashley, how are you doing?" A brown-haired man in his 40s asked me. I didn't say anything and just looked at him. "Okay, you don't have to say anything right now. I'm Arthur Carlin. I'm a social worker."

I couldn't help but notice that he had the same last name as the doctor who treated me in the ER. I didn't know if that was a coincidence or not.

"I'm glad you're here to help her, Mr. Carlin. Your wife said great things about this place." My mom said. It seemed like it wasn't a coincidence. "I want nothing more than my Ashley to get the help that she needs."

I was pretty sure that she just wanted me out of the house for a while. She didn't really care about me. The only person who really cared about me was my dad and now he had this woman in life. Of course, calling her a woman was a bit of a stretch. I knew my mom didn't care because while she did take me to the hospital, she seemed oddly nonchalant about the whole situation. It was like she wouldn't have been too upset if I had been successful.

I didn't know how long I was going to be here. The doctor recommended 28 days. I knew that was how long my dad went to rehab. It would be a whole month away from everything. I wouldn't have school, but I didn't really care about and school didn't care about me.

As soon as my mom was out the door, Arthur took me to my room. There was another bed in it, but the room was empty. I could tell that someone was staying there.

"So it looks like your roommate isn't in right now." He commented. "Well I know that you'll like her."

I didn't know how he could possibly make that assumption. I usually didn't like anyone and there wasn't a very high chance that I would like her.

Of course what you're probably wondering is if I'm still feeling suicidal. I didn't want to try to do it again. It hurt too much. The pain was agonizing. It was how my mom found me. I tried not to scream, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to feel that kind of pain again. I would just have to keep living my pathetic life.

"You should get something to eat." He suggested. "Dinner's served from 6:00 to 7:00. Tonight is pizza night."

I did feel kind of hungry. I didn't know what kind of food to expect. It looked like a cafeteria but not all cafeterias were equal. It was probably better than what they served at school because I assumed that they cared that people were more likely to freak out if they didn't like the food.

I noticed that there wasn't a mirror in the room. I couldn't help but wonder if that was something that they did for people with body issues. I just looked down at what I was wearing. It was a white London sweatshirt and black maxi skirt. It really wasn't my style, but it was all I had because my mom didn't bring any clothes for me and she didn't take me home, so I had to get some from the lost and found. I had a feeling that people would ask me what London was like. I mean I had been there, but I didn't get a tacky sweatshirt. The easiest way to identify someone as a tourist is if they're wearing a shirt or hat with the name of the place on it.

I wondered if I could get through my time without talking to anyone. People wouldn't believe that my vocal chords were damaged because of the incident because I hadn't stabbed myself anywhere near there. There was probably also no chance that I would get out if I didn't talk either.

I took off my shoes because I noticed that no one seemed to wear them except for the staff and headed out the door. I needed to get some food and in order to do that, I was going to the cafeteria.

So I originally wrote this story a while ago, but then deleted it after someone close to me committed suicide. Now it's back because I wanted to write a new story. It's going to be different from the last one. There will be more characters in the next chapter. Please don't forget to review.


	2. Chapter 2

The cafeteria wasn't that fancy. I wasn't expecting some kind of high-class restaurant, but this

was apparently the best place in LA. I wasn't sure how many psychiatric hospitals there were in LA.

I walked into the cafeteria and got in line for food. I noticed a girl who was shorter than me, which was not easy considering that I was only 5'2". She had a similar shade of dark brown hair and brown eyes like me, but those were the most common traits amongst all Americans. She wore a blue floral sundress.

"Hi." She greeted me as she grabbed a salad. "I'm Kyla, what's your name?"

"Ashley Davies." I answered.

"Are you Raife Davies's daughter?" She asked. "He's my dad."

"What?" I replied. Was this girl my sister?

"Well it's either him or Bret Michaels. My mom told me that it was an 80s rock star before she died and it's not Jon Bon Jovi or Don Henley. Both of them have restraining orders against me." She explained. So she probably wasn't my sister. She was just crazy. I shouldn't have been surprised.

"So how did you end up here?" I questioned.

"Well the shelter that I was in thought I would be better suited for here." She answered. "Maybe it was because I threatened this one chick with a pair of scissors."

She was definitely crazy. I couldn't help but wonder what other kind of nutballs I would come across. It probably wasn't the nice thing to say, but I wasn't in a very nice mood. I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I didn't really have anything left. I couldn't go back to school whenever I did get out because I knew that people wouldn't look at me the same. I probably had the biggest fall from grace since Britney Spears.

I looked over the food and saw various items. There were hamburgers and salads and a few slices of pizza along with fries and cookies. Most of it seemed to be from McDonald's, except for the pizza which was from Dominos. I didn't understand why they had to get the worst pizza in America, even to give to mental patients.

"So can I sit with you? I don't really have many friends." Kyla asked. I probably wouldn't want to be friends with her either, but I didn't know where else I was supposed to go, other than back to my room.

"Sure." I replied. "But I don't know where to sit."

"That's easy. I'll just go somewhere and everyone else will leave." She explained. "People tend to avoid me."

I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. There didn't appear to be anything physically wrong with her. She was pretty. Was her personality really that bad that no one wanted to be around her? She walked to a table and sure enough everyone else got up and left. I couldn't help but wonder what she had specifically done to make them hate her so much. I took a seat next to her.

"So why does everyone hate you?" I questioned bluntly. I figured that I would not get any answers beating around the bush.

"Oh they just think that I'm crazy." She told me. That seemed like an instant of the pot calling the kettle black to me. What made them any better than her? "So why are you here?"

"I tried to kill myself." I declared.

"I've never done that before." She admitted. "How did it feel?"

"How did trying to kill myself feel?" I asked in disbelief. She nodded. That was such an odd question. "It hurt…a lot."

"What did you do?" She inquired.

"I stabbed myself." I answered.

"Why did you do that?" She asked.

"Why do you need to know about this?" I challenged. I was starting to see why people didn't like her.

"I'm just trying to get to know you." She responded.

"Well there are ways of doing it without prying into my personal life." I pointed out. It seemed like one thing that the girl didn't have was a sense of personal space. Though, I supposed that she did have a legitimate reason for asking why I tried to kill myself. I still didn't want to tell her.

"Well who's your roommate then?" She replied. That was a more normal question. I just wished that I knew the answer to it.

"I don't know. I didn't get the chance to meet her." I answered.

"What room are you in?" She asked.

"613." I declared. I couldn't believe that I was in such an unlucky number. I was on the 6th floor, but why was I in the 13th room? Why did they even have a 13th room? That alone could cause some people to freak out.

"Oh that's Spencer's room." She answered.

"Spencer?" I repeated.

"Yes Spencer?" She confirmed. That didn't tell me who Spencer was.

"Who's Spencer? Do you know her?" I asked her.

"I don't think anyone really knows her other than Arthur." Kyla explained. "She's a big loner and she's really quiet."

"Why is she here?" I replied.

"I don't know that either." She stated. "I haven't talked to her to find out."

"Well what can you tell me about her?" I asked. I had to admit, I was slightly intrigued by this mystery girl that no one knew anything about. I wouldn't say that I was interested, but I was definitely intrigued.

"I can tell you that she has blonde hair." Kyla declared. I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask every girl with blonde hair if she was this elusive girl. "You'll probably get a chance to talk to her since you're going to be roommates."

That was true. There would probably be some point when the two of us were both in the room. I didn't need to spend any time looking for her because I knew where she would be at some point at least. I could then go back to not caring about anything.

"So I like your outfit." She commented. "Have you been to London?"

"I have but these aren't my clothes." I answered. "This was all that the hospital had in my size and my mom brought me straight here from there."

"Well I'd love to talk more, but I need to go get my pills." She answered. "I'm supposed to take them with food."

I was then left alone. As annoying as she was, I liked having someone to talk to. She also seemed to know her way around the place. I might want to ask her for a tour at some point because I didn't know where I was supposed to take a shower.

As I ate, I couldn't help but notice that one of the girls was swearing at another one. Part of me wondered if she had Tourette's. It was a mental institution after all. Of course, I didn't know if that was something that they dealt with. I really didn't know very much about mental institutions in general. I didn't know what they treated, but I hoped that they wouldn't try to put me on some kind of pills.

I decided to think back to the days leading up to my suicide attempt. I say that like it was a few days ago, but it was really still just hours ago. I was pretty sure that my mom paid off the hospital so I could get sent here quicker. The point was I was talking to Aiden. I had called him over after I finally stopped crying.

" _I need to talk to you." I told him._

" _How are you feeling?" He asked me._

" _I just came back from the doctor." I replied._

" _What did they say? How is the baby?" He asked me hopefully. That was where the hard part came in._

" _Gone." I answered._

" _What?" He questioned in confused. "What do you mean gone?"_

" _I mean it's gone. I had a miscarriage." I explained._

" _Ash, I'm so sorry." He said before he gave me a hug._

" _The doctor said that she thought it was because I wasn't eating enough." I stated._

" _Ash, you have to take care of yourself." He declared._

" _Don't lecture me." I warned him. "I'm already upset enough."_

" _Well this was my kid." He pointed out. He didn't even want to be a father. "I'm just really upset about everything."_

" _Look at it this way. You can do your basketball thing now without any distraction." I remarked._

" _That's not as important to me." He said before he sighed. There was then a moment of awkward silence._

" _So I guess this is it." I replied. "We know that this was the only thing keeping together."_

" _Maybe I should be with someone who's not so reckless and actually wants to be with me." He declared._

" _Don't give me that. I wanted to be with you." I argued. I was on the verge of tears. I didn't want to cry anymore._

" _But you don't anymore." He told me. It was true. I didn't know why I didn't, but I didn't. "I'm done."_

So that was how it ended. It wasn't that much longer before I took the knife out. A few minutes after that, I put the knife in. There was a brief hesitation before I decided to go with it.

It didn't me long to figure out that there wasn't a TV in the place. I supposed it because they didn't want anyone to be distracted from their recovery. Added with the fact that I didn't have my phone, how was I supposed to check out the score for the Diamondbacks game? I wondered if I would at least be able to look at the newspaper in the morning. It was better than nothing. It also brought up the question of what I was going to do for fun.

Eventually, I decided to go back to my room and go to sleep. Since I didn't have any clothes, I stripped to my underwear. I couldn't help but wonder if my mom was ever going to bring any clothes. She was probably having a no daughter party at the house right now. I'd probably have to wait for my dad to give me some clothes.

Sleep was not a good place for me to be. My dreams were just a remind of my worthlessness to the world. I dreamt of my funeral and nobody came: not my dad, not Aiden, not even my former best friend Madison, which wasn't surprising considering that she hated my guts now. The point was that no one would miss me. Maybe I would just be better off staying here like Kyla or any of the other people who couldn't leave. What was the point of a high school diploma anyway?

I woke up in the morning and that was when I saw her there was a girl with blonde hair in my room. I momentarily forgot where I was. Why was this blonde girl in my bedroom? That was when I remembered that it wasn't a dream and I was in a mental institution. I had actually tried to kill myself and I had failed. Now I was left with the girl. I knew her name, but at the moment I couldn't remember it. She wore a red hoodie over a baby blue camisole with black miniskirt and black knee socks. I hadn't seen a lot of shoes except on the employees. She also had a black cross necklace.

"Hi." I greeted her.

"Hi, I'm Spencer." She greeted me.

So Kyla is there too and little does Ashley know that the two are actually sisters. Also Spencer is her roommate. What's going to happen with the two of them. Please don't forget to review.


End file.
